Does an open relationship really work? Can it work? It baffles me that someone would be willing (and ok) to "share" their partner with another person - physically, emotionally and mentally. I understand the dynamic of having a larger family (and support system) - but I would imagine that it would be emotionally tolling to know that my husband/partner was also being intimate (physically and emotionally) with someone else. It's hard to wrap my mind around the concept of polygamy because I have only known a two-person relationship.
For me, polygamy is very much like having an open committed relationship - but very one-sided. With Sister Wives, Kody gets to have four different women - but those women only have one man. Granted, the wives depend on each other for emotional support, but what about that emotional connection you have when you have one partner? I feel like being in a polygamous relationship, that a woman possibly doesn't feel like she deserves to be her partner's only spouse.
I know what it's like to be cheated on, and that feeling isn't one that makes me feel desired, happy or significant. I want to know my partner is only with me - and we connect on a completely different level - emotionally, physically, chemically, etc. than anyone else does - or ever will. Once someone has cheated on you, they've broken that bond that you've shared and had (not to mention trust). In a polygamous relationship, there are so many different dynamics to make it work and stick. I don't know if I could handle my husband not coming to bed with me every night - and I don't think that makes me insecure.
Is polygamy wrong? I know that it is wrong for me, and legally you aren't allowed to marry more than one person at a time - but who's to judge that it's wrong? If it suits the people involved, does it make it ok? What about the children born into a polygamous relationship? One of the Sister Wives episodes I was watching, one of the pre-teen/teenage daughters of the family said that when she "grew up", she did not want to choose the life of polygamy. I find that interesting that she has grown up in a household that supports and chose that lifestyle, but already knows that's not something that will work for her. So conditioning isn't always a factor in producing polygamous relationships.
Something else that I find interesting is, being and staying emotionally connected to more than one person. A relationship takes a lot of time and energy - physically, emotionally and mentally. Trying to upkeep close emotional relationships with multiple people must wear a person out! Not to mention all the children, extended family and friends involved. And what about find about yourself, and growing personally? When do you get a chance to have alone time? I think people need time to theirselves, time to get away and relax and regroup.
It doesn't seem like someone could be completely open and honest if they are in a polygamous relationship - male or female. I could imagine that it would be hard to share intimate information with multiple people, or keep several secrets, or to share the same story over and over - can you imagine? Forgetting to tell someone something, or telling the same story too many times because you forgot if you told someone something - or who you told. Who do the wives complain to if they have a gripe about their husband? Or another wife? What it comes down to is, a monogamous relationship takes a lot of work, a polygamous relationship must be that much more work.
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in the days of caveman and cavewoman, everything was shared, including partners and the raising of children
ReplyDeletere: anonymous comment....that was before people got deep.
ReplyDeletePolygamy precludes the ability to really get to know a mate deeply and thoroughly. It takes a lifetime to really get to know a person. REALLY get to know someone. Any person who engages in multiple partners is staying on the surface of the relationship or diving deep and quick. Neither way is conducive to a truly meaningful ,deeply loyal and trusting relationship. Granted these days, most people are merely looking to not be alone or having a steady lay. Disappointingly women have regressed to accepting the least a man will give them, which between 4 mates ...cannot possibly be enough for any self respecting
woman. That seems to be the problem among people these days in general a very low self respect, esteem garnering low expectations in life. Its all about getting money and getting laid...well get to it losers,I'd rather go without the junk food.
I'm not sure wanting an open relationship stems from low self esteem. In my experience as a woman who casually dated 3 guys at once, it was honestly the most fun I had. Yes maybe there wasn't deep emotional connections with them but I don't think its necessary to need that from other people, u can be emotionally fulfilled being single too. Its nice to have someone as a constant companion, that's why people cheat on the side, but if open relations were more acceptable and people didn't get their egos so bruised easily, then I think people would be happier.
ReplyDeleteI don't think since caveman time that people got " deep", they seemed to have gotten more possessive needy and close minded.
Free love!