TMI - (Too Much Information)

In the world where "facebooking", "tweeting", "blogging" and "I posted you" are common phrases, it leaves me to wonder what happened to face-to-face interactions, and when did technology become a third wheel in our relationships? What did we do before Facebook, Myspace and Twitter? When did having a texting conversation become normal, and why can't we (or do we just refuse?) pick up the phone? In this age of technology, have we just become lazier?

Granted, we still have those annoyingly loud people who stubbornly choose to have their relationship/drama/inappropriate/private conversations in obviously public places (you know who you are). . . but when I find myself retreating to my computer, texting, facebooking and emailing people instead of actually seeing them, it really gives me a jolt. Where has human contact gone, and will we end up like Demolition Man where we don't even have physical contact to have sex???

Personally, I still value my face-to-face interactions with my friends and family. As I get busier with work, my personal life, my social life, my hobbies, etc. . . actually squeezing in a dinner or a lunch or a coffee date is next to null. If I can hit two or three birds with one stone, I try to - which I'm sure most people do as well. We dine with a few friends instead of just one, we lunch and conduct business at the same time, we catch up on emails and facebook - we've become a multitasking technology savvy society! "I just don't have time" is an excuse I hear myself telling MYSELF. . . but if I look at my statuses, and check my facebook wall, I'm ashamed to admit that I probably did have that five minutes to chat with a friend (if even over the phone), or ten or fifteen minutes to just grab a cup of coffee, or even have lunch or dinner. It isn't that my schedule is so bogged down with vital tasks and duties, it's that I've chosen other means to fill my time. Even when I am face-to-face with someone, I find that I am texting someone else, "yelping", or facebooking.

Which leads me to. . .

Finding love in this day and age.
Forget Los Angeles (CA). If you're a normal human being, you're working, going to school, running errands, hitting the gym, hanging out with your friends, going to the bars or clubs, going out to eat, grocery shopping, etc. . . you run into several persons and people throughout your day. Not only do you get to see these people, you have options over the internet. I'm sure that you get the emails - some escape that spam filter!, facebook messages, texts, etc.

You think you find the one. You hit a speed bump in your relationship, and instead of working it out and communicating the "old fashioned way", we turn to our "trusty" technology. My love/hate relationship with technology is this. . . it is as great (or awful) as the user. Porn is as easily accessible as your favorite apple pie recipe (no pun intended) - if you have a smartphone, you've got access. Want to find someone to chat to? Easy as punching a few numbers on your phone. Need eye candy? Look no further than your laptop. Don't own a laptop? I'm sure a friend has one, or borrow their phone. We easily share all of our daily activites and whereabouts to millions of strangers each day, minute by minute.

Want to see how a baby is born? Google it.

Maybe my brother is on to something when he refuses to get a facebook account - and if he isn't on facebook, he obviously is not on twitter, yelp, LinkedIn, Hi5 or any of the other social networking sites. I think a little mystery is left to be desired when we choose to share our entire lives for everyone else. It feels like people want to create their own celebrity by tweeting about their daily lives (WHO CARES who you just ate lunch with or talked about or was thinking about or what you're excited about?!). . . on the other side of it, people are so damn nosy and want to share everything (including their opinion, hence why I'm allowed to have my own blog). A milder argument is that having blogs and facebook and such is a tool to be able to record our lives as quickly, easily and efficiently as possible. Ten years from now, my daughter can look back on what I did (or didn't do), and see the fun activities that I've recorded in my statuses. I can look back and see accomplishments and great moments in my life.

But at what cost?

When do we say BUH BYE to the leech that's taking over our relationships and get back to basics? Why do we rely so heavily on technology to get us through the day (I know some of you can relate when you freak out 'cause you can't find your phone, or your battery is dead)? Is it really necessary to Google someone to find out where they're from? What happened to our communication skills and simple honesty? It may be easier to communicate virtually, but don't we start to lose that connection? That HUMAN connection? If we rely so much on our computers and phones - they may never "learn" to think by themselves, but we do give them the power to rule our lives. Take a break. Ask your friend or significant other how they're doing. Learn to ask questions in person. Do you remember what color their eyes are? What are their thoughts on a topic close to your heart? When was the last time you shared a secret with just one person without posting it as your status or tweeting it to the internet world?

Computers, phones and technology in general are great. . . but I guess my lesson for myself, my reminder, is that they are just tools. I can't rely on them to convey messages that I want the people closest to me to know. Posting I Love You or ♥ IS NOT the same as telling someone to their face (as is posting a hateful message vs. telling someone the truth to their face - but that's another topic for another post).

Life is just too damn short to let something that doesn't really think for themselves (and doesn't literally have a heart) let someone I really care about know I care about them.

*** MANY thanks to MY SOURCE* for coming up with Demolition Man (I couldn't remember the title for the movie, and even with my researching skills, still couldn't figure it out) What a lifesaver!! ***

Marriage vs. A Wedding

Sitting in church this weekend, I was reminded again how people treat the ideas of weddings and marriages. "People invest so much into their weddings, and forget to invest into their marriages." We are so consumed about showing our love for one another in a wedding, that we forget to invest in what really matters, our marriages. Maybe this is why so many marriages fail. In The Invention of Lying, Ricky Gervais and Matthew Robinson throw a funny spin on wedding vows. It's one of the last scenes, where Brad (Kessler - Rob Lowe) and Anna (McDoogles - Jennifer Garner) are exchanging vows, and the wedding overseer asks them if they will promise to take each other until they want to. Funny, but isn't that the case in today's society? I can't even count the number of people who I know who have this idea of marriage - that if it doesn't work, divorce is definitely an option.

I think most people I know already knows someone who is divorced or has divorced themselves - it's rare to know a couple that has made it 50+ years in a marriage - let alone 10! Can anyone say, "Seven Year Itch"? I haven't experienced marriage myself, but from my brief experience with relationships, I know a lot of time, energy, work, compromise and communication goes into it. Sometimes a relationship isn't balanced - but if you don't get that balance back, that relationship may be set for failure. It's a give a take. . . and it goes both ways. That's all good in theory, I know, but putting it into practice, and throwing in emotions, drama, outside influence, etc., and it's a recipe that may end in disaster.

So what makes a marriage work? Time. Understanding. Patience. Effort. Love. Communication. Balance. Wait. Isn't that the SAME THING as a RELATIONSHIP?? I believe that people forget that a marriage is structured on a simple friendship. A partnership. Someone you can grow and learn from and with. I feel like our society is so focused on WEDDINGS and the hoopla that goes along with it, that we forget to put our relationships as our priority. I guess if there is one thing that we need to be reminded, is that not to forget the meaning of marriage, and that a wedding should reflect our celebration of the union of two people and their love for one another.

On a lighter note. . .

Ever been on a date and not realize it? Gray* has told me that it's happened to her a couple of times. . . and she only realized it when the guy went to kiss her at the end of the night. Awkward!

Which leads me to Scott*. A friend texted me the other day and asked me if I remembered Scott - some guy I'd seen around. Of course I remembered him, super friendly, outgoing, energetic. She then asked me if she could give him my number because he wanted to invite me to "something". At first, I was clueless, wondering why a complete stranger would want to invite me somewhere, and why my friend wasn't telling me details. And then I realized, the guy wanted to ask me out on a date! Ummm. . . still awkward! I suppose it would have been even more awkward if we had gone out for dinner or something else, but that whole interaction with my friend was slightly embarrassing.

So. The lesson for the week; not to be so naive!

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty

Is there anyone "normal" out there that's compatible??!!

I'm sure guys get this too. . . you finally meet that great girl (or guy), and you are on your first date - and you realize WTF am I doing here, and how do I get out of here ASAP?! Obviously he or she didn't look like Mr. Pyscho in the picture over there, otherwise you wouldn't have made it to this first date. . . but that got me thinking, where are all the normal people in this world of "so many people"?!

Gray* went on another date from her dating website recently, and didn't even know the guy's real name. She did, however find it out, not through the conventional way, but with the dude speaking in third person (Anyone remember Jimmy D from Millionare Matchmaker?). It's normal for a guy in LA to have an ego, but really?! I thought that talking in third person was made for bad reality tv. What do I know, right?

Along with Gray's unfortunate dating experience, I also got flashbacks of a friend, Ali* who used to drag me along as her "chaperone" when she would meet up with the random guys she meet on the dating website she was using. Maybe the free part should have tipped her off, but relentlessly, she met up with guy after guy, and I, even unwillingly, went - if not scared for her safety. One of the first guys we met was semi-ok. . . tall, skinny, totally her type. He actually was brave enough to meet up with me, Ali and a few other girlfriends. . . but then wanted to take Ali away so they could have some "private time" - uh. Let me think about that. . . let my friend drive off in some random dude's car? I think not. Oh yeah. And while we were all together in a group, he kept trying to talk to another one of the girls in the group. Can we say douche?

Then there was Billy*, the totally rocker dude who looked like a hottie in his profile, seemed intelligent, and was hapa (part asian and part something else). . . not so much her type, but the guy had muscles. Billy met us up after a night out at a diner. He finally shows up, and he is greaser to the max - SOOO not her type. Supposedly doesn't drink, do drugs, and is "straight-edge", but homeboy is twitching like he's getting electrocuted, and his eyes were moving around like those googly eyes you use for arts and crafts. Straight-edge my butt. We 86'd this fellow asap, and of course, he tries telling me to let him have some time with her - Um. NO WAY DUDE. I tell her to watch her back, don't let him follow her home, and text me when she gets home. He texts her: I hope you get home safe. . . That's sane enough, right? I hope you don't crash or anything bad Yikes. If that's not bad enough, several days later, he texts her to give him "her hot friend's number" - that's me. HELL NO.

So when someone tells me that there are "plenty of fish in the sea", I want to challenge them to find me one that is compatible with me, won't kill me or abuse me (emotionally or physically), can carry a decent conversation, has an education (at least his h.s. diploma!), a job, not living with his parents, doesn't have emotional baggage, has some sense of fashion, won't lie, beg, cheat or steal, and has THAT CONNECTION WITH ME. . . oh yeah, and actually wants to be with ME. And I'd like to be attracted to the guy please.

It's no wonder, if you're living in LA, and you're single that there are many, many reasons for that. But if everyone else is unstable, and you are not, my thoughts are, what is wrong with you?

* Names changed to protect the innocent and the guilty

"Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in their's."

I keep seeing that quote a lot lately, and it's got me thinking - How DO I know if I'm a priority in someone's life? Well, for starters, I think about the people closest to me, and think about the way that I interact and treat them - like my family and close friends. I take the time each day to make sure that I contact them - whether that be a phone call, a text, email or even seeing them face-to-face. I give them time in my day because they ARE a priority in my life. To the people that I don't see as a priority, I contact them less, and we talk infrequently.

Stephen Covey talks about an emotional bank in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Just like a bank account, where we're able to deposit and withdraw money, people have "banks" that other people can deposit emotions (good and bad) in their relationships. With a financial bank, you must continue to deposit money in order to be able to withdraw. In a relationship, you must continue to add kindness and courtesies to build the bank and the relationship. If a person continues to be unkind and breaks promises, this can make the emotional bank run empty and ultimately damage the relationship.

For example, I have several friends with whom I believe (and feel) that my emotional bank is full with them. We keep our word, call when we say we're going to call, and don't flake out on get togethers and promises. My emotional bank is so full with some of these friends, that a missed call or text or a last minute cancellation of plans is no big deal because I know that we will make it up. However, I have had relationships where my emotional bank was empty. Broken promises, continual "I'll make it up to you!", but never carrying through with it, and on and on. After awhile, those over withdrawals start to hinder a relationship.

Which leads me to a sore topic;

CHEATING

So we all know someone who has cheated, been cheated on, or at the worse, been cheated on ourselves. It sucks, but it happens, and in LA, it happens quite frequently. With or without the other person knowing or ultimately finding out.

I have several scenarios, but we'll choose my friend, whom I will call London*. Her and her significant other, Caleb* have been together now for approximately 2 and a half years. Not long, right? Well, they're the kind of couple who met, instantly were together, and now are a little family unit. . . except for the part that he's probably cheating on her. A few things said to me by her, his character, and a few things told to me by people who have witnessed his actions. . . Granted, I have never caught him myself, but the whole situation leaves me to wonder. . .

I am torn, as a friend, I would hope and pray someone would tell me. . . but at the same time, sometimes denial is (or at least feels like it) the better option. No one wants to know or think that they are being cheated on. So part of me wants to call her and tell her, and part of me thinks that maybe she's happier and better off just not knowing. . . because part of me thinks that even if she knows, she'll still stay with him, so what would be the point in telling her? She has made it quite clear that she wants to stay with him, no matter how bad he treats her, and all the emotional roller coaster she goes on to be with him.

When is enough enough? Don't we deserve to be happy?

*Names changed to protect the innocent and guilty

Welcome!

So my friend, we shall call her Gray*, has recently moved back to LA - that's Los Angeles, not Louisiana (HUGE difference), is recently divorced, and getting back into the dating scene - at the insistence of her mom and a few close friends. With all the great technology we have at our fingertips, she was persuaded to sign up on a dating website (we'll leave the site's name out of it for now). It's supposedly reputable, and from my knowledge, has gotten singles into long-term relationships and *ahem* marriages.

So a few weeks ago, she mentioned to me that she had signed up for this dating website, and I couldn't help but laugh - I didn't believe her. Do people really find significant others online? Apparently so.

She met this guy, we'll call him Bob*, he initiated contact, and convinced Gray to meet up after only a week of talking. I was hesitant of the idea, but she made plans to meet him half way between her place and his, during the day, and told me she would let me know how it went.

So Saturday came, and Gray drove out to the destination place to meet Bob, and realized she was running late. . . Gray calls Bob, but only gets his voicemail, so she leaves him a message saying she's finding it hard to find the place, but she'll be there soon. Gray finally finds the place and calls Bob again to see where he's at, again, no answer. She doesn't leave a vm, but texts him inquiring where he is. Still no answer. Finally realizing she has been stood up, she leaves, wondering What the hell?!

Tuesday rolls around, and Gray gets a text from Bob: So what happened to you. . .
Gray: I was wondering the same thing
Bob: I was there. What happened to you? We should meet up again :)

Here's the kicker; while Gray initially thought she was driving to meet this Bob character halfway between her house and his, she actually drove 30min past his place to meet him - she she drove an hour and a half to get stood up.

Moral of the story: get to know someone before you put yourself out there.

*Names changed to protect the innocent and guilty

My Two Cents

As I get older, I realize that the "dating scene" is a lot more complicated than: I like you, you like me, let's date and we're together. No pun intended, but there seems to be a lot of grey area - no more black and white. Now that we have the internet with us 24/7 (thanks to our smartphones, work internet, laptops, etc.), we're bombarded with more choices than we know what to do. People don't want to settle, they want to keep searching - which is a detriment, I think to monogamy.

What happened to the days of simplicity? People date for longer periods of time before getting into "long term" relationships, and then there are the people who date for mere months and get married. I don't mind dating, but I want to know that it's progressing, and that I'm not just ultimately getting "used". I think guys have a different mentality where, they'll date, and if it doesn't work out, they end it with no strings attached because they've never fully committed.

What ever happened to monogamy and commitment? I don't want to date someone with the thought in the back of my mind that he's seeing (talking, having sex with, kissing, etc.) another girl when we're not together. What happened to morals? Standards? What happened to loyalty and the sheer happiness of being with ONE person? Is one person not enough?