Getting Married

If you're in your mid to late 20's, or even in your early 30's, you may have noticed people around you getting married. If you're single, this can cause anxiety of sorts - even if you were hell-bent on not getting hitched any time soon (more stress if you're single!). I have a few friends getting married within the next year, a few that are newly married, and a few that are in "talks" of getting married. And while I've never been married or engaged, I have a couple of friends that have had broken engagements. This leads me to wonder, why are people getting married?

Some of the reasons that I can think of are:

• Coming of age (or they feel that they're "at that age" - whatever age that is supposed to be)
• Because everyone else is (I thought we stopped doing what everyone else is doing in high school?)
• Afraid of being alone
• Wanting to settle (down)
• Wanting to have children
• They've been together for "long" enough/enough time
• Convenience
• Actually in love and wanting to spend the rest of their life with the person they love

I'm sure you can think of a few people that you know that you wonder why they're getting married, or why they are even married. There are probably also a couple that you wonder why they haven't done it sooner! I think what some people forget is that a marriage is just like any other relationship. . . just because you get married, doesn't mean that "happily ever after" is just going to happen. It takes a lot of work and effort for it to be sustainable. It will have it's ups and downs, and you will have good days and bad days. (remember the vows, "for better OR worse?")  Like I have mentioned in another post, I feel like people forget what it takes to make a marriage work, and focus a lot of their effort and attention into their wedding.

The older I get, the less I believe in soulmates - I used to believe that we had one. . . but then, how do you explain the people that are able to live their lives with other people? For example, someone that loses their partner to death, but can find love again. For me, a soulmate is someone that I have a connection with. This does not have to be a romantic connection - hence, I have a couple of friends that I have this soulmate connection with. It's a special connection. . . a bond, that neither time or space can break.

Back to why people get married. . . if divorce rates are still around 50%, then wouldn't you want to get married on more substantial reasons than the fact that everyone else is getting married? Unless of course, you don't mind getting divorced. But if that's the case, what's the point of even getting married?

Eventually when I do get married, I hope to have more solid reasons than feeling like I need to because all my friends are getting married or because I'm at a certain age. I would hope that my marriage is built on a solid foundation of friendship, and that a marriage would open the doors to spending the rest of my life getting to know someone and sharing my life (and love) with him. Don't get me wrong, I do get the pang that I'm getting "old", and I have the anxiety because I feel like I'm getting left out of the marriage bandwagon that so many of my friends are jumping on. But I do remind myself that some things are meant to be enjoyed, and that roses are here for me to smell along the way (figuratively speaking).

If you feel like you're the only one not married - or even in a relationship, you are not alone. Sometimes I feel like people not "attached" have it better - you can learn about yourself and grow as an individual. Being single, you can learn more about what you don't want, which, I believe is just as important as knowing what you DO want. Whether or not you do or don't want to get married, learning about yourself is part of life and finding out how to live and be happy. Only once you learn to love yourself and how to be happy by yourself is when you're able to share that with someone else.