She's Just Not That Into You

(and she may be seeing someone else. . .)

You know about the book, you've seen the move (with Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Justin Long), and you may have even caught the reference in Sex and the City. He's Just Not That Into You. It's hard for us women to accept the fact that someone doesn't like us. We're constantly comforting our girlfriends that he'll call, that he's busy, or that she's too good for him. In reality, he just doesn't care, doesn't want to be bothered, and just plain isn't into you.

 Guys are simple, and well, girls can be complicated. However, as twisted as females are, we really are quite simple. I have a couple of girlfriends that could rival guys with dating. (Ever heard the phrase, "Date like a guy so you don't get played like a bitch?") Girls (this is a general statement here) like to have fun too. We can sleep around and not get our emotions tied up, and sometimes we just want to have someone we can call to go grab a drink. We need that opposite sex interaction!

Some guys just don't get it. There are girls out there that want to spare a guy's feelings too. So! She's just not that into you if:

• she's hard to get ahold of, and/or ignores your calls, texts, emails, Facebook comments/messages, tweets, etc. In this day and age, with all the social media there is out there, if our phone dies, it's not like we don't have our friend's phones. . . or the internet (hello, Facebook and Twitter!). And this applies to girls AND guys. . . if someone is really interested, they will make time to contact you - no matter HOW busy they are. And if they can't, they'll apologize and have a legitimate reason. If they really care, then they'll prewarn you before they go MIA for a bit.
   
• when you talk on the phone, she always seems busy and when you see her in person, she seems distracted and preoccupied. It's ok for someone to be distracted/stressed/thinking about something else some of the time. But if it's habitual, it's rude, and it probably means she's not digging you.  
   
• she doesn't introduce you to anyone, and she doesn't let you meet her friends. If a girl like you, she wants to "show you off" (in a manner of speaking), and get praise and approval from her friends. When you're together, and she runs into someone she knows, and doesn't introduce you, it could be several things - 1. She doesn't remember that person's name, 2. She doesn't want to bother introducing you to them . . . ok, it could be either one of those two things - and if it's the former, when we walk away, I typically give the rundown on who that person was, and a short story. If it's the latter, then we walk away, and I wouldn't say two words about the other person.
   
• she doesn't talk about the future, and is hesitant to make plans . . . even a week from now. A girl could be commitment-phobic, or should could just not like you. Or maybe, she is trying to be mysterious. . . but come on! Do you want a girl that's going to play games like that? Anyway, I had a guy who asked me if I wanted to go to a concert. . . three months down the road. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to make a commitment to him three months from that date - I just wasn't that into him.
   
• she doesn't look at you when you two are talking - or is looking elsewhere (another guy, perhaps?) Guys check out girls. Girls check out guys - guys may not notice it, but hey! We notice a fine piece of. . . well, we appreciate beauty too. But if a girl is never making eye contact with you, this could be an issue.
   
• she tells you she isn't looking for a boyfriend right now. Uh. I don't know about you, but what person is looking for someone and is going to actually verbalize it early on ("Hey, I'm looking for a boyfriend. . . " - I'd be scared if someone told me they were looking for a significant other - too much too soon!). If someone tells you they aren't ready to be in a relationship (and I've heard this, unfortunately), they ARE NOT READY, and THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. That said, move on!
  
• she talks about other guys to you. You may be her confidant, but you certainly are not her lover. If she's talking about what so-and-so wore, and how would you interpret his text. . . she see's you as a friend, and that is all. It may be exciting that she's giving you a lot of attention, but do not confuse attention with thinking the girl has the hots for you. Unlike guys, girls don't keep around guy friends anticipating the day that they'll sleep with them. We have guy friends for different reasons - sometimes we just need a sounding board to hear what's inside guys brains (we just don't understand simplicity!).

This is not an all-inclusive list, but merely a starting point for the clueless - I guess I should have put this disclaimer in the beginning of this post.

Basically, if a girl is not into you - she may not verbalize it, and she may never say anything. Actions definitely speak louder than words - or at least actions can help clue you into what a girl is thinking. She may even justify things to herself, and may not be completely aware that she's not totally into you - women have been bred to be polite and not to hurt people's feelings (at least, MOST females are like that). So if a girl's actions are telling you she's not interested, you may want to start paying attention. 

Next post: The Dating Interview. . . title being worked on.