How To Lose A Girl In 10 Minutes

Flipping through blogs, I realize there are tons about kids, crafting, music playlists (WTH?!), and just every day life from "simple people" that self-proclaim greatness - don't we all want to be great? I have a kid, but you don't see me posting pics all over the internet of her. . . I just feel weird letting the strange guy who writes about his coworkers and the girl who publically (hello! the internet is public property) announces all sorts of personal ish into my private life. Don't get me wrong, I like being the voyeur in other people's lives - sometimes I can vicariously live through their vividly captured moments (some of you have excellent photographic skills or great word talent!), and this is sort of my modern people watching past time - but with better stories.

So funny how people want to connect to other humans with similarities, but we all just want to STAND OUT and be our own celebrated celeb.

Anyway, after my last post, as it was so seriously pointed out to me, "It isn't hilarious. Your blog is supposed to be hilarious." I'm wracking my brain for a funny story that won't upset or offend anyone. . . much.

So without further ado. . .

 How To Lose a Guy Girl In 10 Days. . . er, Minutes. . . or less! 

For a lot of guys, they know how to win a girl over, but choose not to. But then there are those special guys (and that's not a good thing) that just know how to not get a second date . . . but not with the overly obnoxious things you may assume like being an asshole, hitting on your best friend, dumb/cheesy pick up lines, or public humiliation (of himself or the one he's trying to attract). They are excessively clingy, overly emotional, or just plain don't understand dating etiquette.
 
I have this friend, Amy*, and she was casually (and by casually, let's assume, no sex, first couple weeks/months, gettingtoknowtheguyphase) dating this guy, we'll call him Billy*. They'd been on a couple of dates, and they got along pretty well. They went to coffee one night, and he did all the great small things all (most) girls like - open the door, paid for her drink, complimented her, etc. They were chit chatting about what each other had been doing, and then Billy looks at Amy and asks her, "Will you have my babies?" - deadpan. Of course Amy giggles. . . and then realizes by Billy's expression that he's serious.

Some girls want to have children, others do not. Amy wasn't in a position in life. . . or even the relationship (if you could even call it that) to consider children - even with Billy. Talk about scaring someone off! Too much too soon is really just simply too much. Needless to say, Amy stopped going on dates with Billy.

 I met this other guy, Owen* at a party one night, and we hit it off chatting about whatever it is people talk about when they first meet. Anyway, my friend Mia* found him completely attractive, and a few weeks later asked me if I thought it was ok for her to go on a date. Normally I'm weird about dating someone's seconds, or visa versa, but I never dated the guy, and didn't see him "like that". So Mia and Owen went on a couple of dates. A couple weeks went by, and I checked in with Mia to see how things were going. Mia and Owen went out a couple of times, and Owen would explicitly ask Mia to buy him things - and not just pay for the meal, go dutch or anything like that. . . he would straight out ask her to buy him whatever impluse item(s) were near the cash register if they were out.

 I completely believe in equality, and that a girl should at least offer to pay for things. BUT, I also believe in chilvary, and that a guy should man up and pay for all most things in the beginning. Aside from all that, no one should ask you to buy them things - unless they're your kids, and that's a whole different story.

I think it's great when a guy can show his emotions - hello. In sports they cry ALL the time, and guys don't seem to think that's any less "manly". HOWEVER, when a guy is crying more than the girl? Ummm. . . it's damn near pathetic. No. Seriously.

 I have a friend, Jackie*, and she felt it was time to break up with her boyfriend, Diego*. She had contemplated it, and didn't see a future with him in it. She rationally thought out the reasons, and finally sat down with Diego to explain how she was feeling. After she explained to him her thoughts about the relationship, and how her heart just wasn't in it, the dude starts to cry and protest how he can't live without her in his life. The catcher? They'd only been together a couple of months. I think it's nice to feel wanted, but sometimes too much can be stifling.

To recap;

1. Don't talk about the future (i.e. children, house, marriage, long-term, in-laws, etc.) too soon. . . use common sense. Oh wow. I just googled "how long should I wait to get married' - and there are literal to-do lists! But simply, you should be financially, emotionally and physically ready. . . and you should know the other person - so if you're still just getting to know someone, then it probably isn't the right time to whip out the pictures you just photoshopped to see what your future babies will look like.
2. Don't ask a girl (or anyone, for that matter) to buy you things. It's just damn rude behavior and you should be adult enough to purchase things that you need yourself (and if you want it, maybe you need to reconsider - there is a difference between want and need).
3. Don't be overly emotional. Crying at a funeral or because you're overwhelmed at some great life event (ex: your own wedding, your child being born, graduating, buying a first house, etc.) is one thing, but bawling all the time is not only inapporpriate, it's damn uncomfortable for other people around you (such as myself). 
4. Don't assume. . . I am a huge believer in communication. Good communication takes work and practice, but it can be achieved!

And if you need more "advice" material, rent the movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, it has more detail.  If you still can't figure it out after that, I don't know what to tell you.

*Names changed to protect the innocent and the guilty

TMI - (Too Much Information)

In the world where "facebooking", "tweeting", "blogging" and "I posted you" are common phrases, it leaves me to wonder what happened to face-to-face interactions, and when did technology become a third wheel in our relationships? What did we do before Facebook, Myspace and Twitter? When did having a texting conversation become normal, and why can't we (or do we just refuse?) pick up the phone? In this age of technology, have we just become lazier?

Granted, we still have those annoyingly loud people who stubbornly choose to have their relationship/drama/inappropriate/private conversations in obviously public places (you know who you are). . . but when I find myself retreating to my computer, texting, facebooking and emailing people instead of actually seeing them, it really gives me a jolt. Where has human contact gone, and will we end up like Demolition Man where we don't even have physical contact to have sex???

Personally, I still value my face-to-face interactions with my friends and family. As I get busier with work, my personal life, my social life, my hobbies, etc. . . actually squeezing in a dinner or a lunch or a coffee date is next to null. If I can hit two or three birds with one stone, I try to - which I'm sure most people do as well. We dine with a few friends instead of just one, we lunch and conduct business at the same time, we catch up on emails and facebook - we've become a multitasking technology savvy society! "I just don't have time" is an excuse I hear myself telling MYSELF. . . but if I look at my statuses, and check my facebook wall, I'm ashamed to admit that I probably did have that five minutes to chat with a friend (if even over the phone), or ten or fifteen minutes to just grab a cup of coffee, or even have lunch or dinner. It isn't that my schedule is so bogged down with vital tasks and duties, it's that I've chosen other means to fill my time. Even when I am face-to-face with someone, I find that I am texting someone else, "yelping", or facebooking.

Which leads me to. . .

Finding love in this day and age.
Forget Los Angeles (CA). If you're a normal human being, you're working, going to school, running errands, hitting the gym, hanging out with your friends, going to the bars or clubs, going out to eat, grocery shopping, etc. . . you run into several persons and people throughout your day. Not only do you get to see these people, you have options over the internet. I'm sure that you get the emails - some escape that spam filter!, facebook messages, texts, etc.

You think you find the one. You hit a speed bump in your relationship, and instead of working it out and communicating the "old fashioned way", we turn to our "trusty" technology. My love/hate relationship with technology is this. . . it is as great (or awful) as the user. Porn is as easily accessible as your favorite apple pie recipe (no pun intended) - if you have a smartphone, you've got access. Want to find someone to chat to? Easy as punching a few numbers on your phone. Need eye candy? Look no further than your laptop. Don't own a laptop? I'm sure a friend has one, or borrow their phone. We easily share all of our daily activites and whereabouts to millions of strangers each day, minute by minute.

Want to see how a baby is born? Google it.

Maybe my brother is on to something when he refuses to get a facebook account - and if he isn't on facebook, he obviously is not on twitter, yelp, LinkedIn, Hi5 or any of the other social networking sites. I think a little mystery is left to be desired when we choose to share our entire lives for everyone else. It feels like people want to create their own celebrity by tweeting about their daily lives (WHO CARES who you just ate lunch with or talked about or was thinking about or what you're excited about?!). . . on the other side of it, people are so damn nosy and want to share everything (including their opinion, hence why I'm allowed to have my own blog). A milder argument is that having blogs and facebook and such is a tool to be able to record our lives as quickly, easily and efficiently as possible. Ten years from now, my daughter can look back on what I did (or didn't do), and see the fun activities that I've recorded in my statuses. I can look back and see accomplishments and great moments in my life.

But at what cost?

When do we say BUH BYE to the leech that's taking over our relationships and get back to basics? Why do we rely so heavily on technology to get us through the day (I know some of you can relate when you freak out 'cause you can't find your phone, or your battery is dead)? Is it really necessary to Google someone to find out where they're from? What happened to our communication skills and simple honesty? It may be easier to communicate virtually, but don't we start to lose that connection? That HUMAN connection? If we rely so much on our computers and phones - they may never "learn" to think by themselves, but we do give them the power to rule our lives. Take a break. Ask your friend or significant other how they're doing. Learn to ask questions in person. Do you remember what color their eyes are? What are their thoughts on a topic close to your heart? When was the last time you shared a secret with just one person without posting it as your status or tweeting it to the internet world?

Computers, phones and technology in general are great. . . but I guess my lesson for myself, my reminder, is that they are just tools. I can't rely on them to convey messages that I want the people closest to me to know. Posting I Love You or ♥ IS NOT the same as telling someone to their face (as is posting a hateful message vs. telling someone the truth to their face - but that's another topic for another post).

Life is just too damn short to let something that doesn't really think for themselves (and doesn't literally have a heart) let someone I really care about know I care about them.

*** MANY thanks to MY SOURCE* for coming up with Demolition Man (I couldn't remember the title for the movie, and even with my researching skills, still couldn't figure it out) What a lifesaver!! ***

"Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in their's."

I keep seeing that quote a lot lately, and it's got me thinking - How DO I know if I'm a priority in someone's life? Well, for starters, I think about the people closest to me, and think about the way that I interact and treat them - like my family and close friends. I take the time each day to make sure that I contact them - whether that be a phone call, a text, email or even seeing them face-to-face. I give them time in my day because they ARE a priority in my life. To the people that I don't see as a priority, I contact them less, and we talk infrequently.

Stephen Covey talks about an emotional bank in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Just like a bank account, where we're able to deposit and withdraw money, people have "banks" that other people can deposit emotions (good and bad) in their relationships. With a financial bank, you must continue to deposit money in order to be able to withdraw. In a relationship, you must continue to add kindness and courtesies to build the bank and the relationship. If a person continues to be unkind and breaks promises, this can make the emotional bank run empty and ultimately damage the relationship.

For example, I have several friends with whom I believe (and feel) that my emotional bank is full with them. We keep our word, call when we say we're going to call, and don't flake out on get togethers and promises. My emotional bank is so full with some of these friends, that a missed call or text or a last minute cancellation of plans is no big deal because I know that we will make it up. However, I have had relationships where my emotional bank was empty. Broken promises, continual "I'll make it up to you!", but never carrying through with it, and on and on. After awhile, those over withdrawals start to hinder a relationship.

Which leads me to a sore topic;

CHEATING

So we all know someone who has cheated, been cheated on, or at the worse, been cheated on ourselves. It sucks, but it happens, and in LA, it happens quite frequently. With or without the other person knowing or ultimately finding out.

I have several scenarios, but we'll choose my friend, whom I will call London*. Her and her significant other, Caleb* have been together now for approximately 2 and a half years. Not long, right? Well, they're the kind of couple who met, instantly were together, and now are a little family unit. . . except for the part that he's probably cheating on her. A few things said to me by her, his character, and a few things told to me by people who have witnessed his actions. . . Granted, I have never caught him myself, but the whole situation leaves me to wonder. . .

I am torn, as a friend, I would hope and pray someone would tell me. . . but at the same time, sometimes denial is (or at least feels like it) the better option. No one wants to know or think that they are being cheated on. So part of me wants to call her and tell her, and part of me thinks that maybe she's happier and better off just not knowing. . . because part of me thinks that even if she knows, she'll still stay with him, so what would be the point in telling her? She has made it quite clear that she wants to stay with him, no matter how bad he treats her, and all the emotional roller coaster she goes on to be with him.

When is enough enough? Don't we deserve to be happy?

*Names changed to protect the innocent and guilty

Welcome!

So my friend, we shall call her Gray*, has recently moved back to LA - that's Los Angeles, not Louisiana (HUGE difference), is recently divorced, and getting back into the dating scene - at the insistence of her mom and a few close friends. With all the great technology we have at our fingertips, she was persuaded to sign up on a dating website (we'll leave the site's name out of it for now). It's supposedly reputable, and from my knowledge, has gotten singles into long-term relationships and *ahem* marriages.

So a few weeks ago, she mentioned to me that she had signed up for this dating website, and I couldn't help but laugh - I didn't believe her. Do people really find significant others online? Apparently so.

She met this guy, we'll call him Bob*, he initiated contact, and convinced Gray to meet up after only a week of talking. I was hesitant of the idea, but she made plans to meet him half way between her place and his, during the day, and told me she would let me know how it went.

So Saturday came, and Gray drove out to the destination place to meet Bob, and realized she was running late. . . Gray calls Bob, but only gets his voicemail, so she leaves him a message saying she's finding it hard to find the place, but she'll be there soon. Gray finally finds the place and calls Bob again to see where he's at, again, no answer. She doesn't leave a vm, but texts him inquiring where he is. Still no answer. Finally realizing she has been stood up, she leaves, wondering What the hell?!

Tuesday rolls around, and Gray gets a text from Bob: So what happened to you. . .
Gray: I was wondering the same thing
Bob: I was there. What happened to you? We should meet up again :)

Here's the kicker; while Gray initially thought she was driving to meet this Bob character halfway between her house and his, she actually drove 30min past his place to meet him - she she drove an hour and a half to get stood up.

Moral of the story: get to know someone before you put yourself out there.

*Names changed to protect the innocent and guilty

My Two Cents

As I get older, I realize that the "dating scene" is a lot more complicated than: I like you, you like me, let's date and we're together. No pun intended, but there seems to be a lot of grey area - no more black and white. Now that we have the internet with us 24/7 (thanks to our smartphones, work internet, laptops, etc.), we're bombarded with more choices than we know what to do. People don't want to settle, they want to keep searching - which is a detriment, I think to monogamy.

What happened to the days of simplicity? People date for longer periods of time before getting into "long term" relationships, and then there are the people who date for mere months and get married. I don't mind dating, but I want to know that it's progressing, and that I'm not just ultimately getting "used". I think guys have a different mentality where, they'll date, and if it doesn't work out, they end it with no strings attached because they've never fully committed.

What ever happened to monogamy and commitment? I don't want to date someone with the thought in the back of my mind that he's seeing (talking, having sex with, kissing, etc.) another girl when we're not together. What happened to morals? Standards? What happened to loyalty and the sheer happiness of being with ONE person? Is one person not enough?