How To Lose A Girl In 10 Minutes

Flipping through blogs, I realize there are tons about kids, crafting, music playlists (WTH?!), and just every day life from "simple people" that self-proclaim greatness - don't we all want to be great? I have a kid, but you don't see me posting pics all over the internet of her. . . I just feel weird letting the strange guy who writes about his coworkers and the girl who publically (hello! the internet is public property) announces all sorts of personal ish into my private life. Don't get me wrong, I like being the voyeur in other people's lives - sometimes I can vicariously live through their vividly captured moments (some of you have excellent photographic skills or great word talent!), and this is sort of my modern people watching past time - but with better stories.

So funny how people want to connect to other humans with similarities, but we all just want to STAND OUT and be our own celebrated celeb.

Anyway, after my last post, as it was so seriously pointed out to me, "It isn't hilarious. Your blog is supposed to be hilarious." I'm wracking my brain for a funny story that won't upset or offend anyone. . . much.

So without further ado. . .

 How To Lose a Guy Girl In 10 Days. . . er, Minutes. . . or less! 

For a lot of guys, they know how to win a girl over, but choose not to. But then there are those special guys (and that's not a good thing) that just know how to not get a second date . . . but not with the overly obnoxious things you may assume like being an asshole, hitting on your best friend, dumb/cheesy pick up lines, or public humiliation (of himself or the one he's trying to attract). They are excessively clingy, overly emotional, or just plain don't understand dating etiquette.
 
I have this friend, Amy*, and she was casually (and by casually, let's assume, no sex, first couple weeks/months, gettingtoknowtheguyphase) dating this guy, we'll call him Billy*. They'd been on a couple of dates, and they got along pretty well. They went to coffee one night, and he did all the great small things all (most) girls like - open the door, paid for her drink, complimented her, etc. They were chit chatting about what each other had been doing, and then Billy looks at Amy and asks her, "Will you have my babies?" - deadpan. Of course Amy giggles. . . and then realizes by Billy's expression that he's serious.

Some girls want to have children, others do not. Amy wasn't in a position in life. . . or even the relationship (if you could even call it that) to consider children - even with Billy. Talk about scaring someone off! Too much too soon is really just simply too much. Needless to say, Amy stopped going on dates with Billy.

 I met this other guy, Owen* at a party one night, and we hit it off chatting about whatever it is people talk about when they first meet. Anyway, my friend Mia* found him completely attractive, and a few weeks later asked me if I thought it was ok for her to go on a date. Normally I'm weird about dating someone's seconds, or visa versa, but I never dated the guy, and didn't see him "like that". So Mia and Owen went on a couple of dates. A couple weeks went by, and I checked in with Mia to see how things were going. Mia and Owen went out a couple of times, and Owen would explicitly ask Mia to buy him things - and not just pay for the meal, go dutch or anything like that. . . he would straight out ask her to buy him whatever impluse item(s) were near the cash register if they were out.

 I completely believe in equality, and that a girl should at least offer to pay for things. BUT, I also believe in chilvary, and that a guy should man up and pay for all most things in the beginning. Aside from all that, no one should ask you to buy them things - unless they're your kids, and that's a whole different story.

I think it's great when a guy can show his emotions - hello. In sports they cry ALL the time, and guys don't seem to think that's any less "manly". HOWEVER, when a guy is crying more than the girl? Ummm. . . it's damn near pathetic. No. Seriously.

 I have a friend, Jackie*, and she felt it was time to break up with her boyfriend, Diego*. She had contemplated it, and didn't see a future with him in it. She rationally thought out the reasons, and finally sat down with Diego to explain how she was feeling. After she explained to him her thoughts about the relationship, and how her heart just wasn't in it, the dude starts to cry and protest how he can't live without her in his life. The catcher? They'd only been together a couple of months. I think it's nice to feel wanted, but sometimes too much can be stifling.

To recap;

1. Don't talk about the future (i.e. children, house, marriage, long-term, in-laws, etc.) too soon. . . use common sense. Oh wow. I just googled "how long should I wait to get married' - and there are literal to-do lists! But simply, you should be financially, emotionally and physically ready. . . and you should know the other person - so if you're still just getting to know someone, then it probably isn't the right time to whip out the pictures you just photoshopped to see what your future babies will look like.
2. Don't ask a girl (or anyone, for that matter) to buy you things. It's just damn rude behavior and you should be adult enough to purchase things that you need yourself (and if you want it, maybe you need to reconsider - there is a difference between want and need).
3. Don't be overly emotional. Crying at a funeral or because you're overwhelmed at some great life event (ex: your own wedding, your child being born, graduating, buying a first house, etc.) is one thing, but bawling all the time is not only inapporpriate, it's damn uncomfortable for other people around you (such as myself). 
4. Don't assume. . . I am a huge believer in communication. Good communication takes work and practice, but it can be achieved!

And if you need more "advice" material, rent the movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, it has more detail.  If you still can't figure it out after that, I don't know what to tell you.

*Names changed to protect the innocent and the guilty