Jealous? Really?

If a girl wears a low cut top, or a short skirt (or God forbid, both), and her boyfriend or significant other doesn't say anything - he (or she, hey, I'm not discriminating here), is insensitive or doesn't care. If he (or she) does say something, they are insecure and/or jealous. It's almost a lose/lose situation. . . But what about the female in the relationship? Is it ok to flaunt it? Or should they have more respect for their significant other and "cover up"? Maybe they should have more respect for themselves. If a girl looks good, and knows it, why is she so appalled when a guy approaches her?

So this brings me to the hot topic of jealousy. When is too much essentially, too much? I think it's healthy to have a little bit of jealousy - it keeps us from gaining too much weight, keeps us in check, and makes us put enough effort into our relationships to keep that spark going. But if it's obsessive jealousy where the other person starts to stalk their partner, and needs to know where they're at 24/7, then that's something that needs to be put back into check. With jealousy, there needs to be a certain level of respect and trust. Trust that you know your significant other won't be doing something that would potentially hurt you, and respect from both parties that you won't act on impulse and have that level of respect for your relationship. There can be a spark of jealousy if someone checks out your partner - but over-the-top jealousy is when you act out (physically or verbally) on that spark. I think it's healthy to get a twinge, but that doesn't mean I need to verbally or physically assault the person checking out my significant other or my significant other (hey, he didn't even do anything!). However, if I see physical contact, I may have to interject a few choice words.

If your significant other is trying to make you jealous, on the other hand, then maybe it is time to let go. Who wants someone that is, for lack of a better phrase, mind fucking you? If you're old enough to have a relationship, you're old enough to be treated fairly and with the respect and trust that you deserve. If you're f'ing around, then maybe you deserve the games, but does anyone really deserve game playing? Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship where you're secure enough in yourself and your partner that you don't have to worry about them or yourself being jealous? I hate to be on either side - I would rather be happy (duh, wouldn't we all?). I want to be confidant in the fact that the person I am with wants me for me, and may look at other girls, but knows that I'm a keeper. I also want the person I am with to have enough trust in me to know that I am not going to sabotage my relationship for a whim, or a fancy. There is no reason to get jealous with me or of me.

Which brings me back to what girls wear. I find that if I like someone enough, I will have the respect to wear something that is "appropriate" for wherever I am going. If that's with my significant other, it may be a little more risque because I am dressing up for him. If it's with just my girls, I may dress up, but downplay it (I'm not looking for attention). I believe that girls dress more for other girls than they do for guys. Sure, they dress up for guys, but more often than not, I see outfits that girls are wearing that basically confuse a guy. For example, jumpsuits and rompers. I think they're super cute, fun, flirty and great for the summer. . . Most guys? Just don't get it. Yet, the romper rage continues. (Thank goodness)

As for the girls who dress like strippers and hoes? Maybe they don't have fashion sense. Maybe they need the extra attention. Now, I was never the girl that wore a bikini top to a club - actually, I never started going to the clubs until I was in my mid 20's. . . but anyway, I wouldn't have been caught dead with a bikini top, or crop top then, and sure as hell won't now - unless I'm at the beach or pool where it's appropriate. However, time and time again, I see girls who I think need a fashion makeover (ever read Glamour magazine's Don'ts? Or watch What Not to Wear?) - part of me wants to snap a quick pic with my handy iPhone and send it into magazines or post it on facebook as an example of what not to wear. I don't claim to be the most stylish, I don't claim to be the best dressed, or have the most fashion sense. . . but you would think something would click with someone that stripper clothing should be used for just that. However, most of those girls that dress like that (*disclaimer* I'm generalizing here), are appalled when a guy comes up to talk to them. And if they bring a significant other, they wonder why their guy is a little uptight. It isn't that the guy isn't proud to show off his lady, but it goes without saying - less is definitely more. What happened to leaving things to the imagination and having some mystery??

But before this goes too far into the fashion territory, let me bring us back to the main topic and conjure up an example. . .

There are several songs out there that sing about tumultuous love, and how somehow, fighting equates passion. Some of them I like, some of them I agree with. However, in reality, I don't want to be fighting with my lover. I really am a lover, not a fighter. Even though I am not going to have chemistry with every single guy out there, I know that there are a lot of guys at my disposal (for lack of saying something with more tact). . . However, once I choose someone, I will give it my all, and once I am done, I am done. Typically, I see a future with someone before they catch on, and usually when they do, the moment is over and I have moved on. Why do guys always wait till it's too late? Anyway, I have had my share of fights - and while passion may have been involved, I am much more content getting along with my significant other. I am blissfully happy doing things with someone, and looking to the future then worried about what he's doing, or who he's doing it with.

Which leads me to Jane* and John*. They have been married for about a couple of years. . . Jane confided in me that she suspected her husband of cheating - He's Just Not Into You, the book and movie played flashbacks in my head - we are programmed to give our girl friends (or friends) the positive spin on things - "it isn't you, it has to be him". . . They have multiple issues with their relationship, but a couple of them is cheating and jealousy. When they first met, it was instant attraction. However, since she's had a baby, her body isn't what it once was, and unfortunately, John is like most men, and is unhappy about how she looks, the situation he is in, etc. And he voices his unhappiness. When Jane told me what she saw and what she thought she knew, I had to point blank ask her what she really felt and thought. I think more people need to be honest with themselves - don't we deserve at least that? If that wasn't enough, one night when a group of us were out at a club, she caught him with another girl. . . and a side story to that is that a few people from our group saw him not just with one other girl, but with a couple (or few) other girls. I'm not condoning cheating, but to do it in front of your so-called significant other AND in front of friends?! I feel that John has overstepped his boundaries, and is causing Jane to be jealous (and hurt, angry, confused, among other things). I think that Jane has the right to be jealous - this is supposedly someone she cares about. But does Jane deserve to be in this type of relationship? On the other hand, I believe that Jane needs to have more self-worth and respect for HERSELF and get rid of the loser. If not for herself, but for her family and her baby who John is blatantly disrespecting. However, my opinion is just my opinion, so she can take it or leave it.

Sadly, Jane and I are no longer friends. I wrote another blog and discussed how people will let significant others batter and bruise them - physically, emotionally, and mentally. Yet if we get slapped by a friend, we are quickly willing to let our friendship fade away. It's crazy how someone may have a long-term friendship, but will let it go for a guy or girl (romantic relationship). How many friends do you know that come and go as their significant others go in and out of their lives? Are we so desperate to stay in a relationship that makes us unhappy?

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty